Cranberry Coconut Biscotti

Who knew a baby would take so much energy that your once source of stress relief would become more like a chore? I have really struggled since having Benton, that I have not had the energy or time to bake and blog. Now that Benton has pretty much a more predictable schedule, I am going to start baking again. My goal is to revert back to my original idea that started this blog in the first place. A blog for healthier baking. What better to start this off than emm…biscottis! They require no added fat and it is such a versatile recipe you can literally add any fruits, nuts, or chocolate in it. I adore cranberries and coconut so I thought I would throw those in there. The coconut gave it a subtle nutty flavor to my surprise and the cranberries a sweet-tart tingle in the back of my mouth. YUM!


1/2 C granulated sugar
2 eggs
1 ts vanilla extract
1 ts baking powder
1/4 ts salt
1 3/4 C A.P flour
3/4 C cranberries
3/4 C sweetened coconut flakes

  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F and line baking sheet with parchment paper
  2. In mixer with paddle attachment beat together eggs and sugar until yellow-white in color and fluffy.
  3. Add vanilla extract and mix to combine
  4. Combine in a separate bowl the flour, baking powder, cranberries and coconut and salt.
  5. Add flour mixture to egg mixture and mix until combined.
  6. Transfer onto parchment and shape into 2 logs (I like my biscottis thicker rather than thinner) 8 in long by 4 in wide roughly or longer and wider if you like yours thinner and harder.
  7. Bake in oven at 350 degrees F for 30 minutes (thicker) and 25 minutes (thinner).
  8. Remove from oven and let cool for 10 minutes. Reduce oven temperature to 325 degrees F.
  9. After 10 minutes, slice the biscottis to desired thickness and place on cut side and bake 10 minutes, flip over biscottis and bake an additional 10 minutes.
  10. Let cool

    Emmm...delicious with coffee or english breakfast tea!

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Benton Sean Adams

Daddys Boy

January 11th now has a completely new meaning to Brandon and I. 2 days early and worth all the pain that I experienced. Benton Sean Adams was born to us at 3:30am January 11th, 2010. As far as love goes, I have never felt this level of love before. The only way I can explain it is in a form of a question. ‘ How is it possible to fall in love with something SO small in a split second.’ The moment the doctor placed him on my chest, I felt like we were polar opposites of a magnet. I can’t believe how close I felt to him, only just having seen him a second ago. The tears came so naturally and easily. You know, it is true that every mom thinks their child is beautiful. I couldn’t believe and still can’t believe the amazing gift of life that God has given Brandon and I. I can’t fathom anything more perfect than Benton. It still brings tears to my eyes (even now 3 weeks later) when I see Brandon and Benton cuddling up together, his little tush all poffy with his huge diaper. 🙂



Despite the nighttime awakenings and the crying from out of nowhere, I would go through the whole labor again. My contractions were really off the norm. They started 4 minutes apart from the very start and lasted 24 hours before I was able to deliver. The nurses didn’t think I would be delivering anytime soon so I missed my time for an epidural but it feels amazing to have done it naturally. I didn’t think I could tolerate pain, but then again I didn’t know what to expect!

Oh they grow up so fast! I can’t believe how much he has grown! 3 weeks as of yesterday and loving him to pieces!

My sister Tiff holding the little parcelThinking timeWhat cha lookin at?

I'm Thinking!What cha lookin at?

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Monster Coffee Cake

Okay so I’ve been out of the blogging world for quite some time and honestly, I’m sure you’re not surprised. Ever since I got pregnant, I have not been into blogging. I literally haven’t been into much! Cooking and baking has been an incredible chore for me, as is going to the grocery store which blows my mind since those are the top 3 things that I craved for before. So…what have I been into? Being lazy! Seriously. I get up in the morning and by lunch time I’m SO ready for a nap. I’ll catch you up on why I’ve been blogless this last month and a half.

Since my last entry, our move orders had been shifted back and it was a whole huge mess because we had already told our landlord we were moving out the end of October and since our orders were delayed, we had to move elsewhere for a month until we were able to move. So, here I am 32 weeks pregnant and we have to not move once (to our final destination Whidbey Island, WA) but TWICE! Our prayers were definitely answered though, because our neighbor had just finished remodeling their duplex and so we were lucky enough to move just across the driveway. None the less, it was still a pain! The worse was that we didn’t know if we would get orders anytime soon and we were suppose to close on our house in Whidbey by November 22nd. That definitely didn’t work so we had to extend our closing date 2 other times. It was stressful trying to juggle between all those things and planning on when to pack and load our things into the penske. So, while we were in the duplex we didn’t set up internet since it would be a hassle to just have it for a month.

I have to say, I’m rather proud of myself though. We drove from Jacksonville, FL all the way to Oregon in 4 days with Brandon driving the Penske hauling our mazda and me driving the Honda. We usually put in 16 hour driving days. Ohhhhh was my butt sore! I’m surprised it’s not as flat as a pancake right now.  We didn’t take the diagonal route like normal people since we had the penske and this time of year, we didn’t want to risk any weather problems on the way. So we drove through the south and up through the entire state of Cali and Oregon. I was ready to get outta the car and I still can’t believe we’re here in Wa now. I don’t know how we pulled that off.  Seriously.

So this brings me to the amazing part of this post! I wanted to bake SO badly once we unpacked the kitchen stuff. We had collected a bunch of fresh pecans from our house in Jacksonville so I wanted to put that in something as well as use up all those bananas we didn’t get to eat on our drive up here.  So Viola! My monster of a banana pecan struesel coffee cake! I have NO idea how it got this huge but I had to remove the top rack from the oven because the coffee cake was going to eat it up! hahaha.

Without further ado…the recipe for



Eggs – 4
Sugar – 1 1/3 C
Olive Oil – 3/4 C
A.P Flour – 3 C
Baking soda – 2 ts
Baking powder – 1 ts
Ground cinnamon – 2 ts
Ground nutmeg – 1 ts
salt – 1 ts
ripe bananas (mashed) – 4


A.P Flour – 2/3 C
Sugar – 1/3 C
Ground cinnamon – 1 ts
Unsalted butter – 6 TBS


Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Spray a cheesecake pan.

In a mixer with whip attachment, beat eggs and sugar on high for a minute before slowly adding in Olive oil and beating until thick and pale yellow.

In seperate bowl, mix together flour, baking soda, baking powder, ground cinnamon, ground nutmeg and salt. Add to egg and sugar mixture and fold together until combined. Lastly add in the mashed bananas and incorporate.

Mix together Streusel ingredients with fingers until crumbly and cover the top of the coffee cake with the streusel.

Bake for 1 1/2 hours or until skewer comes out clean.

And finally, after a long time of not keeping up with pictures, here I am at 35 weeks! It’s HUGGGGEEEE!!!!!!


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Baby Cheeks

snuggie wrap

snuggie wrap

So I’ve been trying to set up my own shop for a couple of months now on Etsy and I’ve finally buckled down and set up my page. It took so long! I didn’t expect the process to be so tedious. If it wasn’t for my sister who walked me through the entire thing. She makes some spiffy necklaces and earrings. Check her out!

Anyways, my shop right now consists of only 3 items, possibly 4 by tomorrow and is soley newborn clothes and accessories. I’ve decided to name it Baby Cheeks and this all started when I got pregnant when we moved here to Jacksonville in April and I couldn’t find a job since I didn’t want to lie and tell people I could only work for a short time. Plus, who is really going to hire a pregnant lady anyways?

Here’s my products so far. The snuggie wrap unfolds into a square that’s lined with an off-white fleece and a hoodie that is also lined as well. The outer material is cotton and on the back are 2-2 inch button holes that the tie for the snuggie goes through to adjust for the perfect fit for your baby.The Olive Fern Kimono is for a newborn and it has long sleeves and long pants. It ties on the left side and also has a tie on the inner right side that is not visible from the front to hold the top sturdy and in place. The pants stretch since they have an elastic waist band.

Here’s my products so far. The snuggie wrap unfolds into a square that’s lined with an off-white fleece and a hoodie that is also lined as well. The outer material is cotton and on the back are 2-2 inch button holes that the tie for the snuggie goes through to adjust for the perfect fit for your baby.

etsy 001

The Olive Fern Kimono is for a newborn and it has long sleeves and long pants. It ties on the left side and also has a tie on the inner right side that is not visible from the front to hold the top sturdy and in place. The pants stretch since they have an elastic waist band.

Dragonfly Kimono

And lastly, my third item is a yellow Kimono with dragonflies on it with a brown leaf trim and binding. Please check out my site and remember Christmas is coming up! Have a fantastic day!

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Home, family and stress all in a week


What do you know? I actually won something! Something COOL! All thanks to She Runs, She Eats. It was such a nice treat to hear that I won something, especially from Christina! She’s such a talented blogger, foodie and runner and I admire her strength in her running. So inspiring! I had never heard of Clif making drinks, but I have always LOVED their power bars. So delish! Christina sent me actually 6 bars, though I only took a picture of 4 of them because well…..we got back from Whidbey at midnight and we had not eaten since 11am so we were ravished and what a treat to have something to eat when we got home! lol. No, really! It was a blessing! So thank you thank you Christina. The clif drinks are a little

different. Not quite like powerade or gatorade because it’s not that sweet at all. Just a hint of sweetness yet a little fizz to it but it’s not carbonated. If I had run a marathon I bet that would be refreshing! My favorite clif bar? Oh that’s hard to decide! I love all of them quite frankly.



Our family came up to Whidbey Island from Portland, OR. Around about a 4-5 hour drive. We were really glad that they could make it because we hadn’t seen them for a long while! I missed my sister SO much. It was so good to see them! Here we are on the beach sitting on a huge beach log.

My mom, mother-in-law and I

My mom, mother-in-law and I

Outside Knead & Feed restaurant where we ate brunch on Sunday morning. It was a beautiful chilly west coast morning!

Tiff & I

Tiff & I

My older half! Only 11 months older than me! In this picture she was trying to stick her belly out like my belly is sticking out! lol



Yeah we look a little dull in this picture. That was the point! The guy on the wall was quite dull looking so we tried but I ended up laughing! Look how big my belly is!

Beautiful shadows

Beautiful shadows

My sisters photography skills is amazing! Her camera isn’t too shabby either!

Our very first home!

Our very first home!

And here! This is what we came to Whidbey for! Our very first home purchase! We love this home and can’t wait to get in it but we have had a stressful week back in Jacksonville when we got back. I can’t go into detail but basically some circumstances has prevented our move at the time we are hoping for. We don’t have any information as to when we will be able to move now, if we are even able to move at all. That is the scariest part. On top of this, we have to move out of our house at the end of this month, find a place to rent (which is right next door but considerable smaller), and wait for word on when and if we can move.  Not only that, I only have a small window now with the pregnancy as to when I can safely travel. Past November, I don’t think I can physically handle the coast to coast drive with the penske truck. If that time passes, I won’t be able to move until I give birth after January. It’s just a lot ot think about and I know that Gods hand is on all of this. I know he will give us what He knows is best for us, even if it may not be what we want. That’s the hardest thing you know. Letting go of the earthly things and accepting what He has planned for us even though in the long run we know it is the best and only way things will work out. We just need alot of prayer about our situation. Paying for rent and a mortgage in a house we’re not living in is financially stressful. All in all, we take things day by day right now.

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A showered Baby

Bentons Quilt

baked donuts 003baked donuts 005

Not sure what it is but just recently, it has really hit me, and hit me hard that the baby is seriously coming. It’s not stopping for anyone and I’m the one incubating it’s growth. It was quite early on in my 1st trimester that I had an inkling that our baby would be a boy, though most everyone thought it was a girl since I was craving spicy foods, and since the babys heartbeat was 150/min an oldwives tale tells us that it is destined to be a girl. Even Brandon was dreaming about a baby girl, though when the sex ultrasound revealed we were having a boy…his face just lit up! 🙂 I’ve never grown up with anyone except my sister, so I have NO idea how a little boy develops, what they do, how they play and I certainly need to get used to the whole “grabbing” themselves when they are still so young.

Our good friends Rob and Cye hosted a multi-pregnant ladies baby shower this past Saturday. They did an amazing job with the decor, the games and the food. I can’t imagine how much they had to spend on it but it was such a fun time and just being gathered together with all our friends was really nice.  The gifts were amazing and it was a triple whammy when I opened the gifts and saw everything blue, everything trucks and tractors and everything so…ungirly. I know it sounds terrible. I love our gifts there is no doubt about it, but as much as I had mentally prepared myself for a boy, it was hard. Baby girl clothes are so adorable, so frilly, so pretty. They get to wear bows in their hair, cute little heels and those dresses. They are so adorable! I am however excited to see Benton. I can’t believe I love something that I haven’t physically touched and seen really besides pictures. I still get excited when he squirms and kicks and punches me and I find myself imagining what he could possibly be doing in there. It’s amazing that something is growing inside me, that my belly is capable of stretching to this capacity and more yet.  God really thought of everything when he made us. It’s incredible what is happening to me, to us!

I happened to have so much scrap material from making snuggie wraps and such that I could make an entire playtime quilt for Benton. It took a couple days to put together, not too long but cutting and placing the pieces together took some time, but the hardest part about it was the binding I had to put around the edge of the blanket. With the backing and the front and the padding inbetween PLUS the binding material, it was SO thick by the time I sewed it together that I was so afraid it was going to tear apart my machine. I would hope not since it was rather costly of a machine but who knows! I don’t really feel like bringing it in to get fixed. Who knows how long that would take!

Oh I forgot to put up 2 other ultrasound pictures of Benton, so here goes nothing!

babys back0001

Look at those quads!

Look at those quads!

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Donuts made healthy-er

baked donuts 001baked donuts 002baked donuts 003

This week was a big week for the Husband and I, so I decided to bake some donuts from 101 cookbooks. She has the best blog ever and her recipes are always so delicious! Definitely worth a try and so much less complicated and messy than frying a donut. I made these in 3 hours, perfect timing for when Brandon came home from school. I really can’t believe that all his training has come to an end! He’s officially done with all his flight training events and I couldn’t be prouder of him. He’s been studying non-stop literally the past 3 years through training. It’s been quite the ride. Here’s a quick recap of the past 3 1/2 years that we’ve been married.

June 17th 2006

We arrived in Ohio via roadtrip 7 days after we got married and Brandon started his Masters program in Aeronautical engineering. As much as people badmouth Ohio, that is my favorite state so far that we have lived. I had an awesome job and we never ran out of things to do while we lived there.

June 2007

We moved to Pensacola, FL where Brandon starts his primary training flying the T-34. This is the stage all pilots start out at whether you get selected for P3s, Helos, or Jets at the end. Brandon, as most pilots wanted to go Jets. In the end, he was selected for P3s which has been so beneficial for our young marriage. It is a more family friend atmosphere and community. I started Pastry school and worked at my suckest job EVER.

July 2008

Hopped on over to Corpus Christi, TX for Advanced flight school where they flew the T-45 and I worked at a French Bakery while finishing up Pastry School. I liked Corpus, though was sick of this southern heat. Brandon gets his wings and goes off to SERE. Longest 2 weeks ever!

April 2009

Moved back over to FL, this time to Jacksonville. I heard many great things about Jacksonville, which I have yet to fully agree with. It’s not bad, but it’s no West Coast. Found out right the day that Brandon started P3 training that we were pregnant! Spent half the time here nauseous, itching with heat rashes (UGH! THIS HEAT!), having a hard time breathing, and most of the time I spent gaining weight and eating. ;-b Brandon finishes up P3 training.

I am grateful that he is done with training now. He’s been under continuous pressure, and sometimes events don’t get well and I don’t have the words to comfort him as much as I try. He puts so much pressure on himself and I just wish he knew how amazingly intelligent he really is. You should see their manual. It is the depth of the length of my foot. (size 8) As good as it is that he is done training, I think this is where it gets tough for me. Granted, his deployment schedule is 2 months out, 2 months in, I just don’t know how I am going to do it. I know the baby will keep me busy for sure to even think of being lonely but crawling into bed at night by myself, with the cold sheets and no one to cuddle with and say my goodnights to is daunting. I can only pray for strength during this time.

Anyways! Another good news. I took my citizenship test and interview yesterday and I haven’t been tested in a while. Since I finished pastry school anyways and my heart was beating. Thank goodness the guys was super duper cool and the questions he asked wasn’t the toughest ones he could have asked. So, I passed! Yippe! We’re gonna go celebrate tomorrow night. We hardly ever go out to dinner cause we’re both pretty picky and we get so disappointed when we get bad food at good restaurants, that we prefer to eat at home most of the time. So this will be a real treat except that I need to find a dress I still fit into. lol. OH! And my friend Cye and Rob are throwing a gigantic Baby shower for 4 of us pregnant P3 wives. I’m the farthest behind the rest of the girls but we all know the sex of our babies. We’re going to be celebrating 1 girl and 3 boys. This must be the year for boys because other people who have had babies lately all have had boys too. They say that P3 guys usually don’t have boys because there’s this box inside the plane that they sit on that supposedly “kills” the male sperm. Well, I guess thats not true anymore! lol.

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Mt Adams and the Whoopie

Mt Adams

Mt Adams

I feel like a giant walking belly. Sometimes I feel like the only thing I am is a walking belly without a head, arms and legs. It’s uncomfortable. I waddle, I can hardly wear my heels anymore and when I run, I feel like people are laughing because I am running so slow and I wonder if they think I just have a huge gut. 😦 I have been wishing for my old belly back for a past week. I would never by any means give up my baby of course and I love to feel him kickin and squirming inside. That’s the only time I love being this huge.  *sign* I wonder now, looking back at pictures of my belly, why I thought I had a huge belly. I miss getting up and out of bed with ease, I miss feeling womenly even though this is as womenly as a women can get. lol. I am just afraid once the baby is here that I won’t have time to devote to running anymore and I hate that I am going to have to start from scratch again. Working up to running at a good speed and ease is SO difficult for me to attain. I remember when I first started running 6 years or so ago, I could hardly run 10 minutes without having to stop. That was tough but at the height of my running capability, I was able to run 5 miles in 45 minutes with shin splints. I know it’s not a fast time by any means but it sure beats running 1 1/2 miles in 20 minutes like I am right now. My belly button is starting to get pulled out. I love my innie. It’s hard to watch it slowly disappear. It’s getting smaller and smaller by the day and soon it’ll be poppin out instead. I know I sound horribly sad, but I’m not. I just miss my old body. Pregnancy is awesome, just knowing and feeling my baby inside me is quite an experience words can’t effectively describe. It’s just those moments of an unruly bladder, a semi-functioning colon, and gasping for air-I-can’t-breathe times when I get so exhausted and tired I wonder if I am strong willed enough to last through labor. Usually, my belly is the only pregnant belly I see at home (obviously!) and I feel enormous. Then I go to church, visit my pregnant friends and am reminded, I still have SO much more to grow. I am afraid of what the scale is going to say at my next appointment. Then I see the ultrasounds of Benton and my heart melts and I can’t get enough of him. I imagine a mini Brandon and I giggle and think ‘I’m going to have 3 boys soon.’ Leben (our doggie) will chase Benton, Benton will chase Brandon and they’ll all play together with Legos. While mommy relaxes outside in the cool breeze of WA with an iced latte in her hand. Sure, that’s a few years down the line when I’ll probably be pregnant with our second baby but HEY! A girl can dream!

whoopie pie

Pumpkin whoopie pie

I’m slowly getting back into the swing of things. By that I mean, baking and blogging. I’ve been in such a rutt since I got pregnant with baking that if my heart isn’t fully in it, I don’t get the results I am looking for. So I gave up for a while. Slowly, it’s coming back, just in time for us to pack up all our stuff and move again! Perfect timing! With catalogs coming in the mail advertising for the upcoming holidays, I feel all tingly inside with thoughts of hot apple cider, sitting next to the fire place, cuddling with the husband, thoughts of a Christmas tree and time with the family makes me think of food. Food and Pumpkin. I always make pumpkin muffins whenever I think of pumpkin, so this time I decided I would make something different so I went to Nestles website (they obviously make Libbys pumpkin puree) and I found this yummy Pumpkin Whoopie Pie recipe. They’re suppose to make mini whoopie pies but my patience is thin and not wanting to totally destroy these I opted for giantosaurus sized whoopie pies. It kinda resembles my tummy as of late, so it makes perfect sense! They’re delicious and so easy to make. I recommend this to anyone who has 30 minutes to spare! Enjoy guys!

Posted in baked goods, pregnancy | 3 Comments

International Baby

Time is flying by! I can hardly believe that I am in my 6th month of pregnancy already and I can’t believe how much fat I have accumulated this past month. Running to getting harder and harder. Now that my belly is really big enough to throw my center of gravity off, I’ve noticed how much harder my calves and my feet have to work for each stride! My calves ache and my flat feet feel so tight by the first couple of blocks that sometimes I feel embarrassed at the pace I run. lol. Leben is so good with me when I run. He loves to go fast but he runs alongside me pretty well at my pace. There’s definitely no way I would run by myself in Jacksonville without him. I tried once and that was NOT a good idea. Thank goodness they were hauling their mowers and I don’t think they could have caught up with me hauling the mower though I had to really bite my lip not to say anything in response. People make me mad sometimes and I know I could never physically win so I try not to say anything at all and just let them think they are all that and a bag of crushed chips. :-b

23 week baby bump!

23 week baby bump!

Back to time flying by so fast lately, Brandon has 2 events left! WHOOHOOO! Which means we are THIS much closer to moving to Whidbey. We are planning on taking a trip to Whidbey to go house-hunting between Oct 1-15 and hopefully we will find a house that we really like. I’m really stressed about this move. I am not sure what we are going to do with Leben when we go house-hunting. I truly don’t trust vet boarding anymore, plus he never eats when we board him but I don’t want to have our friends watch him for 15 days. That’s a lot to ask of anyone and he’s not neutered so he likes to mark when we aren’t watching even though he knows he gets in trouble.  Then we have to decide whether we want to spend $500 to fly him out to Whidbey for the actual move or take him in the Penske truck with us, which would not be the best idea because he takes up the whole half of the bench seat and I would be uncomfortable to begin with with this belly of mine. It’s a 5 day 13 hour a day drive to get there on time so it’s definitely not a relax, site seeing type of roadtrip. Of course flying him would be easiest but he has anxiety problems and I would be constantly worried about him and how his heart is doing when he’s in the  plane without us. I just don’t want him stressed out either. I’m also concerned about hospitals along the way on our roadtrip if sometimes should arise. I pray that it won’t but you know me, I’m a stress-aholic. I’ve been waking up the past 3 nights and not able to fall back asleep because I keep worrying about these things. I know it’s crazy to worry about it but I’m a tense perso.

Marmalade and Strawberry Scones

Marmalade and Strawberry Scones



Well back to food! Benton really is on the frequent flyer miles already! He’s got a taste for the internationl. He craves every type of food except Mexican. Though mommy doesn’t like Mexican either. 2 weekends ago we had our weekly girls prayer group on Saturday and I thought I would bake some scones. Well…Benton told me through my stomach to bake some scones lol.  I got this recipe from Joy of Baking which is one of my favorite baking sites. Her recipes NEVER fail and they always turn out so tasty!

2 C A.P Flour
1/4 C white sugar
1 ts baking powder
1/4 ts baking soda
1/4 ts salt
1/2 C unsalted butter, cold and cut into pieces
2/3 C buttermilk
1 ts pure vanilla extract

Jam/Preserves for topping

Egg mixture for top of scones:
1 large egg, light beaten
1 tbs milk/cream

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F and line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
2. In mixer, combine flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda and salt then add in butter cubes until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Add buttermilk and vanilla extract and mix until dough just comes together.
3. Transfer to lightly floured counter and knead 4-5 times and pat dough into a circle 7 in round and 1 1/2 in thick. Cut into 8 pieces and transfer to baking sheet, brush the tops of the scones and make a dip on the base of each scone with a spoon and fill with jam.
4. Bake for 18-20 minutes and let cool!

Serving: 8 scones

Posted in baked goods | 1 Comment

OH Here it is!

baby boy 20001

Proof of his boyhood. :-b

Well the time finally arrived when we found out what our little baby is! It was definitely the most amazing experience to be able to see our baby squirm and move around in there! I wish I had my own ultrasound machine so I could watch our little baby Boy clown around all day long.  He had kept me up all night long so neither one of us got much sleep but he was sure ready for a nap when it was time to be photographed! We had to poke him and jiggle him around to wake him up.

baby  yawning0001

Here’s an ultrasound of him yawning cause we were making a bunch of noise and laughing. Poor baby. All he wanted to do was get some nap time in for that growing body of his. I find him to be a very very adorable baby, as all mothers probably do of their own baby but quite frankly, the headshots freaked me out a little. It makes the baby look freakishly scary when all you see of their head is the eye sockets and the jaw lines and such.

Babys foot0001

It was almost bittersweet to see his big foot and teeny little toes. We had been looking forward to this experience for what seems like a long time and although I thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it, it was also the last time we would get to see our baby for the rest of the pregnancy. Being in the military does have it’s perks of course. All our medical expenses are paid for so nothing out of pocket but at the same time, only necessary ultrasounds are done and so since my placenta looked good and there doesn’t seem to be anything that the Technician caught (though we still have to talk to the doc), it is the 2nd and final ultrasound of Baby Benton. From what I have heard anyways, normal hospitals offer more ultrasounds but it is out of pocket I believe.

baby curled up0001

And so, a new life is in the making yet it brings to my mind a couple of things that make life hard and easy when living in the midst of the military. I am not complaining mind you, it is a wonderful admirable thing that my husband and his fellow military brothers and sisters are doing and it is amazing that they think it hard for spouses. It’s a relief that from the first days we got married, all the officers that I have met have reassured me that being a spouse in the military is the hardest job in the world. To that I say yes and no.

Marriages are so much easier when financially we don’t have much to worry about. We were comfortable when I was working, and we are comfortable now that I am not working but the fact remains that we have one less burden when we do not have the added stresser of money troubles. I am sure that times will be a little harder once he starts his deployments around December/Jan when the baby is expected to arrive. I have trouble now being without him when he’s gone from 10am till 11pm some days and when he does cross-countries for the weekend. I think the baby will keep my mind occupied enough that I will just pass out when night comes. In addition to being so close to our families once we move to Whidbey, it will be nice to be able to have them near.

Another thing that has been on my mind lately is that being away from family has its ups and downs. Being on the opposite coast of our families makes it really feel like we are on our own. I miss holidays with the family. It adds that extra kick to the already wonderful atmosphere, which I haven’t really experienced the past 2 years since Christmas down south makes you sweat when you are trying to enjoy your Christmas meal. Another positive to being far from home? I feel separated. Separated from the realities that happen within my family. The realities of life. Life and death. My aunt died a little over a month ago and yet to me, besides the couple moments when I really sit down and reminisce, she’s still alive to me. The grieving process never took with me, being away from family that reminds me of her, being away from the tears, the heartache and the laughter of memories past. The downside to being this far away? I feel guilty. Guilty that I have only cried a percentage of what my sister, my mom and my relatives have experienced. Guilty that I didn’t fly back to HK. Guilty that she loved me so much during her life and I couldn’t translate my thoughts in to Cantonese over the phone while she was lying in the hospital.

I am thankful for my family though. I don’t think I could get through this without my mom and my sister. They are in love with Benton and it makes me feel so loved that they are making baby things for him. I can’t wait to see him and I can’t wait to show him off. So far, has has already acquired:

  • a beautiful set of glass bottles and mouth pieces from his grandpa Pang
  • clothes from HK from his aunt Tiff and fiance-to-be-in-the-near-future Aaron (whose last name is also Adams!)
  • A pair of Nikes from grandparents Adams
  • a high chair from our friends Dave and Andrea
  • A pair of Kimono pjs sewn by moi
  • A snuggie wrap sewn by moi
  • crib sheets, blanket and some onesies from the Navy-Marine Corp.
  • a real life trained dog/horse to ride on

I think we might be set! lol. Oh he is also going to get a crib hand-made by his daddio! Oh I have a feeling this little booger is going to be spoiled rotten!

That’s it for today. I must get better at updating my blog. I’ve been terrible!

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