OH Here it is!

Proof of his boyhood. :-b

Well the time finally arrived when we found out what our little baby is! It was definitely the most amazing experience to be able to see our baby squirm and move around in there! I wish I had my own ultrasound machine so I could watch our little baby Boy clown around all day long.  He had kept me up all night long so neither one of us got much sleep but he was sure ready for a nap when it was time to be photographed! We had to poke him and jiggle him around to wake him up.

Here’s an ultrasound of him yawning cause we were making a bunch of noise and laughing. Poor baby. All he wanted to do was get some nap time in for that growing body of his. I find him to be a very very adorable baby, as all mothers probably do of their own baby but quite frankly, the headshots freaked me out a little. It makes the baby look freakishly scary when all you see of their head is the eye sockets and the jaw lines and such.

It was almost bittersweet to see his big foot and teeny little toes. We had been looking forward to this experience for what seems like a long time and although I thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it, it was also the last time we would get to see our baby for the rest of the pregnancy. Being in the military does have it’s perks of course. All our medical expenses are paid for so nothing out of pocket but at the same time, only necessary ultrasounds are done and so since my placenta looked good and there doesn’t seem to be anything that the Technician caught (though we still have to talk to the doc), it is the 2nd and final ultrasound of Baby Benton. From what I have heard anyways, normal hospitals offer more ultrasounds but it is out of pocket I believe.

And so, a new life is in the making yet it brings to my mind a couple of things that make life hard and easy when living in the midst of the military. I am not complaining mind you, it is a wonderful admirable thing that my husband and his fellow military brothers and sisters are doing and it is amazing that they think it hard for spouses. It’s a relief that from the first days we got married, all the officers that I have met have reassured me that being a spouse in the military is the hardest job in the world. To that I say yes and no.

Marriages are so much easier when financially we don’t have much to worry about. We were comfortable when I was working, and we are comfortable now that I am not working but the fact remains that we have one less burden when we do not have the added stresser of money troubles. I am sure that times will be a little harder once he starts his deployments around December/Jan when the baby is expected to arrive. I have trouble now being without him when he’s gone from 10am till 11pm some days and when he does cross-countries for the weekend. I think the baby will keep my mind occupied enough that I will just pass out when night comes. In addition to being so close to our families once we move to Whidbey, it will be nice to be able to have them near.

Another thing that has been on my mind lately is that being away from family has its ups and downs. Being on the opposite coast of our families makes it really feel like we are on our own. I miss holidays with the family. It adds that extra kick to the already wonderful atmosphere, which I haven’t really experienced the past 2 years since Christmas down south makes you sweat when you are trying to enjoy your Christmas meal. Another positive to being far from home? I feel separated. Separated from the realities that happen within my family. The realities of life. Life and death. My aunt died a little over a month ago and yet to me, besides the couple moments when I really sit down and reminisce, she’s still alive to me. The grieving process never took with me, being away from family that reminds me of her, being away from the tears, the heartache and the laughter of memories past. The downside to being this far away? I feel guilty. Guilty that I have only cried a percentage of what my sister, my mom and my relatives have experienced. Guilty that I didn’t fly back to HK. Guilty that she loved me so much during her life and I couldn’t translate my thoughts in to Cantonese over the phone while she was lying in the hospital.

I am thankful for my family though. I don’t think I could get through this without my mom and my sister. They are in love with Benton and it makes me feel so loved that they are making baby things for him. I can’t wait to see him and I can’t wait to show him off. So far, has has already acquired:

• a beautiful set of glass bottles and mouth pieces from his grandpa Pang
• clothes from HK from his aunt Tiff and fiance-to-be-in-the-near-future Aaron (whose last name is also Adams!)
• A pair of Nikes from grandparents Adams
• a high chair from our friends Dave and Andrea
• A pair of Kimono pjs sewn by moi
• A snuggie wrap sewn by moi
• crib sheets, blanket and some onesies from the Navy-Marine Corp.
• a real life trained dog/horse to ride on

I think we might be set! lol. Oh he is also going to get a crib hand-made by his daddio! Oh I have a feeling this little booger is going to be spoiled rotten!

That’s it for today. I must get better at updating my blog. I’ve been terrible!